


dipping below the horizon

by zonophone



Series: naki's death au [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Chapter 140, Gen, M/M, Second Person, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-13
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-12-27 18:29:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12086841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zonophone/pseuds/zonophone
Summary: Naki teaches Shuu how to write poetry





	dipping below the horizon

x  
you dream of the day you die with missing words and lost blood and the aching desire to see your big bro tell you you've done good. you know you'll die fighting.

 

v  
he says his name in different ways depending on who he talks to. he says it in a certain way to you and you keep pretending you don't understand him, keep pretending you don't know how to say his name, keep pretending you don't fear that maybe saying it correctly would spell something different.

 

vi  
the names you learn perfectly are the names of the dead. the names you repeat at night.

 

xxi  
you're somehow glad he isn't there. he isn't there so doom is spelled more clearly for you and the others. he isn't there so you'll never have to say his name in the way you say the names of all those who've left before.

 

i  
only the strong survive, you know, and when that macho bastard, he is now your big bro, beats you black and blue, before he ever was your big bro, you know you'll follow him to the depths of—you'll follow after him. somewhere deep, you've heard the expression before.

 

xi  
'maybe you mean the depths of hell,' he supplies, in french and english (you can now tell the difference somehow, what would big bro say, if he saw you, do you think he was able to, to tell the difference? you've learned so much) and you nod proudly. 'yeah, that's where i'll meet him.'

 

iii  
you learn of god from your own god, the one who gives you the will to live and fight and die and kill. you learn of god while looking at big bro, your own god, walking away.

 

viii  
you think then tsukiyama's god must be kaneki.  
the thought fills you with wonder. ghouls, like humans, are amazing. you're happy he too has someone like big bro.  
the thought fills you with sadness. you see in him the same—no word for this feeling wide like a highway tunnel dark and musty—you had while looking at big bro walking away.

 

i (again)  
you dream and create your own death in the middle of a fight, your blood stained suit whiter than it ever was, startles you how focused and clear you are. it's your god that gives you the will to fight, it's everyone else's faces who come to you, who cheer you on, who you wish—no words here, their scent, their words, their smiles, their tears, hooguro's tongue sticking out, the way hair falls on her head, the hands. you're somehow glad he isn't there to watch you or he'd ask to join your fight like he's done so many times before and you know you can't say no.

 

ix  
'sometimes,' he says, not looking at you even though you know he's watching, he knows you're watching him, sitting on the floor, knees bent legs close to his body, head resting on them, 'when you mess up with your words it's almost like you're writing poetry, creating new worlds with your language, new feelings for which no words exist so you, the poet, make them up.'

 

xiii  
he teaches you often and willingly and he answers your questions and so you too wish to teach him, different things. you know now that letters to heaven cannot arrive and you apologize for having taught him something useless but he smiles so—pain in your chest at the way he looks at you it almost makes you want to cry—and so—a flower by the window against the morning sun coming in in streaks like pouring rain of light—and says 'it wasn't useless at all, monsieur.'  
you wish to teach him too.

 

ii  
you comb back your august-leaf-hair and explain when big bro asks why you call it august-leaf, like a leaf caught in the summer sun crackling through the spaces in the trees, almost transparent, but bright, shining.

 

xxii  
you're smiling when you meet your big bro and your only regret is not having learned enough words but you made your own so you've done well. you've done more than you could've ever dreamt of before you met big bro.

 

xxi (again)  
tsukiyama repeats his name in the back of your mind, once, twice, a million times and maybe if you had any regrets at all you'd wonder if he will repeat your name (not monsieur) with the same kind of holy reverence you used every night before sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

7  
you don't get the letter where you are, that's not how it works, but you know, somehow, he's writing them. he's still teaching you. you wish you could still wish to teach him too.

**Author's Note:**

> i literally fuckin cried over that chapter naki n shuu r the only reason i still read that thing how dare that guy ishida or whatver


End file.
